I’ve heard many of my friends and trusted mentors say that January is the most depressing month of the year. A close friend of mine, who specializes in personal growth, posted on Facebook that January reports record numbers of suicides and cases of depression. I can certainly see why. With shorter daylight hours, colder temperatures, post-holiday disappointments, and broken resolutions, I can agree with those sentiments. As we dive in to February, now is the time to reflect, learn, and grow.

If you repeat the same self-care routine you did in January for the rest of 2017, will you be a healthier person at the end of the year?

Have you made commitments and resolutions you know you’re not following through on because you’re not really passionate about them?

Let’s put the brakes on here and take a 10 second time-out.

Whether you can relate or not, let’s just agree that we all do things we don’t want to do. Whether it’s getting up at the crack of dawn to run 5 miles, going to work knowing you’re expected to clean up the messes your supervisor has made, wiping poop out of a toddler’s dirty butt, or needing to go to the bathroom in the middle of an enthralling movie – we do stuff we don’t want to do. Sometimes we do these things out of love and responsibility for ourselves. Other things we do simply because they’re a part of life. Other times, we do things we don’t want to do because of shame, guilt, or a sense of obligation.

That shame, guilt, and sense of obligation is the part I want to focus on today.

A few months ago, I wrote about my struggles with feeling guilt and obligation to perform, with little time for relaxation and recovery. There are three reasons why I pushed myself mentally and physically too far:

#1. GUILT:

For me, I wanted to do the things I thought I should be doing. By not exercising, feeling exhausted by my schedule, and struggling with work/life balance, I felt like I was not doing what I should be doing. Consequently, I started to use guilt by “should-ing myself to death” in hopes of completing my to-do list perfectly, every 24 hours. In essence, I couldn’t allow myself to be human. This of course led me to #2.

#2. SHAME:

If I had a nickel for every time I allowed shame to change my life patterns, I’d be a billionaire. Guilt comes due to behaviors and habits that are detrimental to your health and well-being. Shame, however, comes due to the false idea that you as a person are unworthy, less-than, or “bad.” Shame is the root of depression, eating disorders, other forms of addition, and self-limiting beliefs.

#3. OBLIGATION: 

I believe that we as humans are obligated to do certain things to maintain our health in various areas of life. However extreme obligation can do much more harm than good. In everything, my philosophy is grounded in balance. Any habit that becomes extreme, I refer to as an addiction. It is possible to slowly creep over into perfectionism when we feel obligated to hold ourselves to an impossibly immortal standard. That standard we can never reach keeps us stuck in the loop of feeling (you guessed it): shame and/or guilt.

OK, so… What now?

You realize often feel guilt, shame, and obligation, so what now?

It is my recommendation to do absolutely nothing to “fix” the problem, and certainly don’t add another resolution to your list. The only thing to do in this moment is to check-in with yourself, and be present. You may recall this Two-Step Awareness Process from my previous post. This process involves a Body Check-In and a Mental Check-In where you can uncover the actions, habits, people, and behaviors that are the catalyst for triggering guilt, shame, and obligation within you.

Click to start this quick Two-Step Awareness Process now.

#ShiftYourPerspective

I had a conversation the other day with a client who kept running into the same issues over and over again, without realizing the issue was being created in their own mind. By taking the time to check-in with themselves, they were able to see how their own thought patterns were creating their own problems. It is no coincidence that this same person struggled with issues of performance, self-care, and vocalizing their own needs in an authentic way.

The key to habit change is going to be awareness. You can’t do anything about a problem if you don’t recognize it as a problem. This is why the Two-Step Awareness Process is so important: it opens your perspective to seeing and understanding things you may have never noticed previously.

So what is it that you can let go of today that is a source of stress for you? What is it that you feel obligated to do, yet you have no passion or desire to back up your obligation? Is there a source of guilt or shame that convinces you to cling on to something that no longer serves you?

On the journey with you,

Brandie Nicole

The post Guilt, Shame, and Obligation vs. Self-Care appeared first on Revealed Healing.

The big day is tomorrow, and I have 6 pounds of tofu waiting to be transformed into a homemade fowl-free turkey. ?

I can’t think of a better way to kick off the holiday season than with a follow-up to my last post about the importance of relaxation. (If you missed the last post, you can catch up and read it here.)

If you missed Part 1, be sure to read it before starting Part 2 below.

Instead of talking about all the ways that stress will make you self destruct, let’s talk about what it means for you to relax, and a simple Two-Step Awareness process that will help you get there.

Let’s start with the basics. The dictionary definition of “relax” is two-fold:

re·lax
verb

The post Part 2: What Happens When You Relax? appeared first on Revealed Healing.

One of the things I overloaded on was researching the effects of stress on the body. (Irony.)

I researched multiple different reputable health and wellness sites, read a few books, as well as the results of different clinical trials that were performed to show the results of stress on the human body. It took me awhile to realize that my focus on stress prevention took my attention off of relaxation implementation. After doing so much research on stress and seeing how it negatively impacts EVERYTHING related to the human body (digestion, blood flow, emotional well-being, focus, chronic pains, etc.), guess what happened…?

I got stressed out.

The questions I asked myself got a little too “Type A”-ish. 

When am I gunna practice deep breathing and meditation? Should I add it to my calendar?

If I miss a week of meditation, then will my body go back into stress mode?

Did I eat my food too quickly? Did I practice mindful eating today?!

What should I do to counteract the negative effects of all the times I was under stress?!

By focusing on stress and the effects of stress on the human body, I manifested some of the very symptoms that I was trying to avoid.

One day, I was watching a Tony Robbins video, where he was speaking to a large group of people at a conference. He shouted that he wanted everyone in the room to “Look for the color red! Anything you can find that’s red! Look for red! Look for red!” Frantically people searched for the color red, and once they found a satisfied amount of crimson in the room, they looked back towards the stage.

Even I started searching my little bedroom for anything that was red. Noticing that I didn’t have very much red in the room, I even considered redecorating a bit. Finally after the room quieted down, Tony cleverly asked, “Now what did you find in the room that was blue?”

Oh crap.

I immediately caught on to what he was doing. I was so preoccupied with finding red (and possibly buying some red conversation pieces) that I ignored every other color in the room – including blurple (a mix of blue and purple), which is my favorite color.

Why would I ignore the things I love and adore in favor of something that was not as favorable to me?

The same concept applies to stress and relaxation: Why would I divert my attention away from relaxation in favor of avoiding the pains of stress? It’s like the Bible story of the Israelites taking 40 years to get to the Promised Land, when it should have only taken them 11 days. Just sayin’. Why do we run around in circles and do back flips to try to avoid pain, when all we really have to do step up with open hands and accept our blessings?

I’m not belittling the fact that life is hard. The daily grind can absolutely wear down our bodies and souls. However, similar to the “red/blue” exercise, just ask yourself what would happen if you actually knew what you wanted in your life and looked for that instead of looking for and expecting problems and hardships?

Let’s apply this info practically.

I’d HIGHLY recommend pulling out a journal or laptop for this next exercise.

My three questions for you are simple:

1. What desire do you have for your life that you are you currently ignoring or not doing? (This can be a life change you’ve been wanting or making a big career decision. It can be something more simple – like going to the gym twice a week. Try to pick just one thing for now. Remember that the things you love will bring you into a more relaxed state, and less stressed, so be honest with yourself here!)
2. What are you settling for in your life that is less than favorable? (Again this can be really complex or simple – like instead of going to the gym, I work overtime every day at my job.)
3. What is stopping you from saying “YES” to what came up for you in your answer for #1? (Remember that you’re the only one reading this, unless you share it! So be completely honest in your answer!)

Once you complete the question sequence above, take some time to stretch, take some deep breaths, then go back and reread what you wrote. Take some time to congratulate yourself for the work you’ve done, and just notice if anything is different in your mood or state of mind. It could be that you feel nothing different; or maybe you’ve stepped into a deeper state of relaxation after letting your truth manifest itself in writing.

Either way, you’ve done great work, and I’m excited to deliver Part 2 very soon! Be sure to bring your notebook or laptop again!

To your health,

Brandie Nicole

P.S. Click here to dive deeper on implementing relaxation into your life.

The post Part 1: What Happens When You Relax? appeared first on Revealed Healing.

1. We are not doctors.

Masterful health coaches don’t pretend to be doctors and therapists. Truly wise health coaches know that they are supplemental resources to doctors. Doctors have honed in on their skills of analyzing the body and prescribing medicines and practical solutions. Health coaches have honed in on their skills of allowing their clients to experience successful habit change in support of the doctor’s diagnosis. This leads perfectly into point #2.

2. We are masters of Habit Change.

Hypothetical Scenario:

You’ve gone to the doctor, and been diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS). The doctor gives you a prescription to help manage the symptoms, and tells you to stop eating gluten and refined sugar. He also recommends that you get more sleep in your day to re-charge your body and to keep your digestion flowing smoothly. Well, it’s good you got some clarity from a professional, but that diagnosis SUCKS.

You just got information overload!

Change a lot of the foods you eat. Change the way you are living and interacting so that you can go to sleep sooner. You pretty much have to change your whole life, and if you don’t do this, your symptoms will continue, and possibly even worsen. You may stop eating gluten and sugar for awhile – maybe even go for a run every couple of weeks – but after awhile, you find yourself downing an entire box of Peanut Butter Cheerios at 1 am after binge-watching the entire first 2 seasons of House, MD. Oh, and then you have to get up at 6:30 am for work.

Let’s be totally transparent here:

This scenario has played out in our lives in one way or another. Whether it’s IBS, high blood pressure, obesity, heart disease, or chronic pain – we all have hit a wall in our health, and we find ourselves back in our old habits. The habits that we know our doctors would disapprove. I’ve seen too many people going out for double cheeseburgers, fries, and milkshakes after getting improved results on their blood work results!

The problem here is not in the doctor’s office. The problem is that it’s easier to pop some pills than actually dig down deep within ourselves and bring real healing to our bodies. What does “digging down deep” even mean? Is it willpower? NO.

Digging down deep means changing your habits.

Changing your habits may be easy for you for the first week or even the first few months. Until you find you just don’t wanna do what the doctor said anymore, and you don’t really care either way whether you get better or not.

That, my friend, is the perfect opportunity to find a health coach who is a master in the art of habit change.

Mastering habit change means naming the destination you want for your health, then taking the best possible pathways to get there. The process should be exciting, challenging, and most of all – fun! You’d be surprised at how much you can accomplish with the proper support, accountability, and stretch.

3. We can help because we have been there…. And we still struggle.

When you have no other choice but to figure things out for yourself – when you’ve accepted the fact that your life has become unmanageable – remember that you are not doing it alone. I sometimes have to giggle at the term “self-help,” because even though you’re getting help for yourself, you’re more than likely going to have more success not doing things by yourself. Masterful health coaches know this, understand this, and live by this principle. For that reason, masterful health coaches have their own coach, mentor, or counselor walking them through the parts of life that they need help improving. We’ve been there, and we understand those “icky,” unexplained feelings that creep up and bring self-doubt and contempt.

4. We’re going to challenge you, not force you.

You’re not doing things alone, but you do have to do the work required! It’s natural for some people to get defensive when working with a health coach. You may think, “Well why do I have to do what they say? How do they know what’s best for me?” The thing to remember in this instance is that masterful health coaches don’t know what’s best for you. We’re not mind readers! Only you know what’s best for you. We as health coaches simply help you on the journey of habit change. We help you identify the things that are no longer serving you in your life, then we challenge and stretch you to step in to that version of yourself that you want to be. We do this carefully, a small step at a time. We walk with you throughout your journey as you step up to the challenge to living your best life.

5. We are changing the way the world does health.

A few weeks ago, I heard a ridiculous statistic on how many people are suffering from side effects of OTCs and prescription meds. Suffering from side effects of chemicals – not the disease – but the side effects! I saw another snippet of info on the news this week on the staggering number of people who have died from some form of prescription drug use. My heart sank and my mood shifted uncomfortably after hearing these things!

I understand that there is a time and a place for all forms of medication.

Medicines of all kinds have helped billions of people, and I am thankful that we have medical professionals who are able to administer medicines wisely, where they are needed.

However, not everyone needs medicine, and masterful health coaches understand this.

I love reading success stories of how people cleaned up their diet, exercise, and mental/emotional health routines and reduced their medicine intake – sometimes eliminating it completely!

6. We hold you in high regard.

One of my jobs as a health coach is to hold my clients in high regard. I see them as capable, wise, and courageous individuals who are seeking and finding the life they always dreamed of having. Whether it’s losing fat, gaining muscle, stomping out self-limiting beliefs, or abolishing shame and guilt from your past, it is my job to hold you up to the standard that you don’t think you can meet. I know you can, and I help my clients see how part of them is already stepping in to their future, healthier selves, just by scheduling a call with me.

I founded Revealed Healing because it is my goal to reveal to people a new way of life that is just within their reach without turning to restrictive diets, medications, or unhealthy coping patterns.

If you or anyone you know struggles with overcoming unbalanced patterns and stepping in to the life you were meant to live, start showing up for yourself in a way that you never have before by finding a health coach. Even if you and I don’t work together, I encourage you to find the right support, accountability, and stretch that will help you take that next step into claiming your destiny.

To your health,

Brandie Nicole

The post 6 Things to Know About Masterful Health Coaches appeared first on Revealed Healing.

What makes you angry? What triggers you and gets you fired up? What brings you to tears and the depths of depression? What ignites any form of strong negative emotion within you? In Part 1 last week, I wrote about the importance of 1) looking in the mirror and honestly seeing who you are and 2) reflecting on how you’re showing up in the world. I outlined a 5 Step Reflection Process for uncovering your triggers and understanding how to navigate life in a more meaningful way that welcomes more of what you want into your life. Getting curious about our reflections opens up a world of possibility and more of what we desire.

Since this is a process I recommend you try out, I wanted to give you an inside look into what this process looked like for me. I had described a moment of experiencing extreme anger in a restaurant a few months ago, as I watched an upset customer berate a waiter for a minor oversight in his meal. I described how I expressed the same level of disproportionate anger internally that the upset customer was expressing externally.

Below you will find my own 5 Step Reflection Process as I engaged interactions that were triggering me in the restaurant that day.

If you haven’t read Part 1 of this process yet, you can do so here.

A Real Life Example: My own 5 Step Reflection Process

1. Looking in the Mirror:

More often I find myself getting angry internally when someone else expresses their anger externally. I was afraid of owning my anger because I had been shamed for showing anger before throughout my childhood. Sometimes, my strong emotions were shamed or belittled, so I learned how to suppress them at a young age. Instead of looking at it and owning it, I became jealous of others who were “allowing” themselves to show anger outwardly, while my anger festered inside of me. Seeing this, recognizing it as it shows up in my life, and owning it was crucial for me.

2. Naming My Reflection:

I get amped when I feel stress of any kind. If my to-do list is too long, I suddenly feel a tired “jittery-ness” in my body and emotionally angry and sad. When people are upset with each other or with me, my body becomes hot, lightheaded. Inwardly, I am furious, especially if the anger is unwarranted or extreme in scale.

3. Examining My Reflection:

I want to feel accomplished, happy, and at peace, and when I don’t feel that way, my body responds with the physical cues I mentioned previously. There is a gap between what I want (calm, peace, accomplishment) and where I am (stressed, angry, sad). Whether the gap is an inch wide or a mile long, my expectations are not being met, which leads to dissatisfaction.

4. Getting Curious about My Reflection: 

When I am not taking ownership of my feelings, I deflect and make up stories that make the situation worse. I often get caught up in my head, isolate, and catastrophize the situation. When I’m engaged in negative conflict, I feel worthless – like my feelings don’t matter to anyone. In health, I reach out to friends who understand me and can gently walk me through my own feelings. When I can engage in this form of habit change, my feelings matter to me, and I can trust myself to let the negative feelings I create pass through me. I can release my hold on the catastrophic stories I create that are no longer serving me.

5. Reflecting Differently: 

The risk in not making up stories and not spiraling down into depression is that I won’t be safe. I won’t be in control. I’m accustomed to assuming the worst, preparing for the worst, and seeing everyone’s mistakes (including my own.) If I see everything “bad” that could happen, then nothing will surprise me. If something “good” happens, then I get skeptical. “Good” things are nice surprises that I don’t expect to last long. But what happens when I release the notions of “good” and “bad?” What happens when I let life happen and release judgments that are leading me to categorize my experiences as “good” and “bad?” What happens when I practice letting out my anger in a healthy way? I may not know all the answers to these questions right now, but once I try something different, I will come to a new, healthier way of living that is more free and closer to the calm and peace that I have been searching for.

I would love to hear if you choose to engage in your own reflection process as you encounter strong negative emotions. It is essential to approach this process with a sense of curiosity and wanting to learn. Questioning how and why your emotions are triggered.

Trust that there is revelation in reflection.

To your health,

Brandie Nicole

The post Mirroring and Reflecting: My Own Reflection Process (Part 2) appeared first on Revealed Healing.

You ever look at someone and say “Geez, I’m glad I’m not like that person“? Or, “At least I don’t do the stuff they did. I’m not that bad.” One time, I saw this guy freaking out (seriously, red in the face) about the fact that the waiter forgot to add something special he’d requested to his dish. Sure, I can understand that if your food isn’t right and you’re hangry, you may be upset. In the same way, mistakes happen and no person is exempt from falling short of something. So mercy and grace is highly preferred above anger and judgement. But this guy was just upset. He was raising his voice and talking about how he expected better service and has never had such a hard time and on and on and on. He was talking to this waiter as if the guy messed up his food on purpose. I was getting upset, even though the situation had nothing to do with me. In my head, I started reflecting the same thing that this angry customer was doing. I started saying things like, “This guy is a jerk! Who anointed him King of Food Service?! Oh I guess when everyone else except you screws up, it’s OK to be a moron. That’s great to know.”

But why was I so strong in my reaction towards someone else who was strong in their reaction? I was angry because the guy was being mean to another person, yes. But there’s more to it than that. I was also mirroring this guy’s anger because I was angry at him for expressing his anger. 

Let me explain.

This guy was outwardly speaking and blatantly vocalizing his displeasure. Albeit in an unhealthy way, he was still expressing it. Meanwhile, I chose to inwardly speak and secretly show my displeasure in this guy’s behavior in my own head. Silently. This guy and I were a lot alike in that we have a lot of anger and misplaced feelings to process. The difference is that he was extroverted about it and I was introverted, but either way, multiple people are hurt. Let’s see how this would play out hypothetically:

Extroverted Emotion

Extroverted emotion is emotion that is expressed outwardly. In the case of the restaurant incident, the emotion is anger. There’s a Giver of Emotion (the angry person) and a Receiver of Emotion (the person receiving the angry feelings from the Giver.) In this case at the restaurant, the Giver (the angry man) gets hurt because his blood pressure rises, the stress response is triggered, and his digestion slows down now that he is in “fight mode.” So when he eats this meal he’s flustered over, it will sit like a rock in his stomach because our bodies do not digest food properly when we are in a stressed state.

In the same way, the Receiver (the waiter) gets hurt because he may now think that he’s a failure who can’t do anything right. This may exacerbate his feelings of worthlessness or depression as he allows even more people to stomp on him and bully him. Or, he may also reflect this man’s anger, and carry on the epidemic of passing shame and guilt to others who “mess things up,” because of his own feelings of entitlement. In either scenario, there is pain, misfired feelings of worth, and crushed potential.

Introverted Emotion

Introverted emotion is emotion that is expressed inwardly. This is the form of anger that I was dealing with when I observed the flustered man in the restaurant. Even though it was just me, I was the Giver of Emotion and I was the Receiver of Emotion. I also went into “fight mode” when I saw the angry man encountering the waiter. Like an angry lion in a tiny cage, I wanted to break out of confinement and show this guy what anger really looked like, and how it felt to be yelled at in public. I wanted to be the one to teach him a lesson. But I didn’t do that. Instead I kept my feelings in my own head, amping myself up for a face-to-face confrontation that I knew would never happen. So what happened? Same thing – my blood pressure rises, my stress response is triggered, and my digestion slows down when I’m in “fight mode,” all because of the angry and bitter thoughts I’m reflecting back in the situation.

In the same way I was the Receiver, other people became the Receivers too. This is called misfiring. When I feel trapped in my unexpressed emotions, they will come out at some point. It’s not a matter of “if it happens,” it is “when it happens,” because it will happen. So for example, if I observe this angry guy on a Sunday night, and I don’t process through my anger in a healthy way, I will go to the sales meeting at work on Monday morning and fire off at someone who didn’t do anything to deserve my reaction. Again, there is pain, misfired feelings of worth, and crushed potential. Unreleased negative emotions are like shaking a can of pop nonstop. At some point, you have to stop shaking the can, put it down, and wait for the bubbles to fizzle out before you open it to take a drink.

Whether extroverted or introverted, suppressed feelings of anger, guilt, and shame will hurt multiple people. It becomes an epidemic that is constantly mirroring and reflecting back distortions of reality.

As much as I did not want to admit it at first, I was a lot like that angry man. What was even more shocking was that I was jealous of him because he had the guts to express his dissatisfaction instead of letting it sit in his head. Why couldn’t I do that?! Well, the truth was, I didn’t want to do that either. Once I came to terms with how misdirected my feelings were, I came up with ways to name and deal with my feelings in a healthy, sustainable way.

5 Ways to See What You Are: A process to discovering your triggers.

NOTE: This is not a process to rush through. If you expect to get a quick fix by reading through this, it will not happen. An efficient way to engage in this process is to sit comfortably, without distraction, with a journal, pen, and total honestly. Answer the following questions, in sequence:

1. Look in the Mirror:

You can’t see your reflection if you don’t look in the mirror first.

• What are you avoiding in your life? What areas of your life, thoughts, and actions bring feelings of shame?
• What are the things about yourself and others that you hate?
• What is the risk in facing the thing(s) you have been avoiding all this time?

2. Name Your Reflection:

• What is it that amps you up or causes an unwanted physical reaction in your body? These can be situations, people, places, or things.
• What is the physical reaction that arises in your body when you encounter this situation/person/place?

3. Examine Your Reflection:

• What is it about those situations/people/places that give you unwanted physical reactions?
• What do you want to feel instead of what you usually feel?

4. Get Curious about Your Reflection:

• Are your thoughts and actions improving the situation or making it more unhealthy for yourself and others?
• Is your reflection a distortion of reality or is it an idealized perception of the situation or person?
• What does this situation/person/place tell you about yourself?

5. Reflecting Differently

• What is the risk in responding differently when you feel the unwanted physical reaction in your body?

Honesty check: The more honest you are, the more healing will be revealed through you.

Note that if you are suffering from some form of physical abuse, this process is not for you. If you are being abused, seek help immediately. 

Examining yourself and what you’re reflecting back is not an easy process.

It is confusing and draining and there will be plenty of reasons to not do it at all. As soon as I thought I had it “figured out,” I fell back in to old patterns and had to start the 5 step reflecting process back all over again. I have to be OK with that. Because each time I revert back to things that no longer serve me, I have fuel to reinforce that my previous way of living life was not beneficial. This gives me more passion to continue this process of habit change that brings me a step closer to inviting more love and more peace into my life.

Throughout this journey of reflecting and mirroring, I’ve learned that there are relationships I’ve had to let go of in order to move forward in my own life. This is not an easy process, folks! Losing people is hard, and I haven’t met one person who said they enjoyed the process of leaving people behind as they continued on their healing journey! In the same way, I’ve made room for renewed, fresh relationships that help me progress in my goals.

“Out with the old, in with the new” is not just a cute phrase. It’s real. When you choose to reflect inwardly, and mirror what you want, you open yourself up for “the new.” The new way of living. The new way of loving people, no matter what they have done to you. And the new way of loving yourself that has permanence and meaning.

To your health,

Brandie Nicole

The post Mirroring and Reflecting: 5 Ways to See What You Are (Part 1) appeared first on Revealed Healing.

4:15 am:

This girl had been through enough. She was really sick of waking up to her alarm clock blaring at her bedside every single morning. She had a habit of thinking she’d only been asleep for about 20 minutes. Yet every time she forced her eyes open a tiny bit, that stupid clock already said it was time to get up. Then of course, all the excuses settled in: she had a headache, she was sore, her arm fell asleep because she’d slept on it the whole time…. Was the sun even up yet? Her eyes weren’t open enough to tell anyway, so of course this meant that she couldn’t possibly get up yet. #SnoozeButton.

Six snooze buttons later:

She often found herself wondering why she still felt like crap. She flopped out of bed yawning and flinging herself across the room towards the closet. Couldn’t find her socks or gym shoes, which she could have sworn she’d laid out the night before… Well, more like 5 hours ago, since she didn’t actually fall asleep until midnight. She was about to be late getting to the gym, which would cause a small ripple giant tsunami in the rest of her day. Awesome.

Yeah folks. That was Yours Truly.

I had so much trouble figuring out what was wrong with me in the mornings.

*WARNING: Extreme sarcasm ahead!*

Surely it was OK going to bed at midnight and expecting to wake up at 4:15 am so you can be at the gym by 5:00, then work out until 6:30, then get showered and dressed and leave for work by 7:00 am, only to work 8-10 hours, then go home, eat, clean, organize, have some “relaxing time,” then fall asleep a few minutes before midnight, only to wake up at 4:15 am again the next day and do it alllllll again! Totally reasonable, right?

*End sarcasm*

Nope. Not happening. I feel tired just by typing all that.

Well, it actually did happen for about two months. The first two weeks of my 4:15 am wake-up calls were actually not so bad. I got in great workouts, was focused during work, and felt more relaxed once I got home. I was even able to be in bed by 9:00 pm during those first two weeks.

Then the problems started.

Of course, my Type A perfectionist mind did a quick calculation that sealed my habitual doom:

More spare time in the day = More things to cram into the day

So after those precious two weeks were over, things got crazy. I’d get home from work, I’d find tasks that needed finishing: cleaning, working on my blog, researching some big complicated project I wanted to start, taking online courses to learn new skills, reorganizing my closet, cleaning out my old computer files, and so on. The list went on endlessly. Then I started going to bed at midnight, only to dread getting up the next day – literally at the crack of dawn – to go do a 75 pound dead lift at 5 in the morning….

My body was like, “Um. No thanks.”

I knew my body was upset with me when I started getting random chills and crazy cravings one day, to feeling way overheated and not hungry at all the next day. I stopped caring about a lot of things that were important to me, and I was just getting by – wearing masks and pretending that I was OK, even though I was literally beating myself up with my schedule.

So now that most of you think I’m crazy for going through this season in my life, let me explain a little more. It is (and has always been) a habit of mine to do everything I possibly can. I tried to do literally, all of the things and pack everything I love into my life – creating, reading, journaling, working out, being a friend, volunteering, being an entrepreneur, being a student….

But why?

Because I had a fear of missing out on something good. I thought I had to bust it to make things happen for myself. This is true to a certain extent, but there is also a need for BALANCE. A desire for WHOLENESS and WELLNESS. And I was certainly not doing that. In fact, I refused to let myself have rest – I had to keep doing things.

Reality Check:

The Universe is funny in that way though because in forcing myself to be and to do everything, I actually didn’t love any of it after awhile. Everything became something I was forcing myself to do, instead of something I actually loved to do. It wasn’t fun anymore. It wasn’t inspiring. It wasn’t engaging. It wasn’t fulfilling the calling that God had put on my heart.

The habit I allowed myself to fall into was one of performance and control.

Simply checking things off the list so my life “stays on the right track,” is what I would tell myself. I thought that if I performed everything well (and did it all as quickly as I could so I could do even more later,) then my life would be in control.

Am I hitting anyone in the feels with this one? I know I’m not alone here!

I knew logically that only God was in control of my life, but I was subliminally believing that if I took on way more than I could handle, then it would somehow balance itself. Then, I’d be able to open up more opportunities for myself in all areas of my life, spiritually, relationally, and physically. My intention was great, but my method and logic was way off track.

Hitting the Brick Wall:

It wasn’t until I started falling asleep while brushing my teeth in front of the bathroom mirror that I realized things had to change. I was running into this fatigue like a brick wall – EVERY SINGLE DAY. Similar to many other people, for me, there is no such thing as “catching up on sleep,” but I still thought the weekends would be an opportunity for me to just catch an extra couple of hours of snoozin’ time. Not so. Saturday morning, my body was up at 5:30 am, and wanted nothing but hibernation by 6:45 pm on a Saturday evening. My circadian rhythms were thrown off. My appetite was up and down, and so were my moods. I was more stressed, more overwhelmed, and less excited about all of the things I knew I loved and had the talents to perform well. My habits had to change.

Here’s the thing about Habit Change:

It sucks.

Remember, I said I had an ingrained habit of doing everything I possibly can. Ever since I was little, I remember always volunteering to help the teacher clean up after we’d finished our craft for the day. I signed up for every sport I could fit in my class schedule in high school. In college, I got in trouble for working 3 on-campus jobs while having nightly labs 2-3 times a week. So I narrowed it down to 2 jobs and still did the 3rd on a volunteer basis. I refused to give up for fear of missing out on opportunities; but also for fear of letting other people down – including myself.

Realizing that I needed to slow down and cutting some things out of my schedule (at least temporarily) was devastating.

That’s when the anxiety crept in:

I’ll gain weight or lose the progress I’ve made in the past two months if I don’t go to the gym.

I’ll miss out on getting everything done at work, and I’ll miss out on overtime if I don’t work longer hours.

If I don’t stay on top of the new trends in my creative community, I’ll be a defunct, lame artist.

If I don’t write a blog, I’ll be upset with myself for not following through on something I promised myself I’d do.

I’ll feel like a terrible person if I don’t journal and have alone time with God.

Not only did I start to see my life as crazy and unmanageable, but I started to feel like punishment would come if I didn’t complete my to-do list. Would I really turn into a blob if I took a break from the gym? No. Would it really be a life or death situation if I went home after 8 hours of work? No. Am I really a lame artists if I don’t know every single creative and digital trend going on in today’s world. No! Would God really think I was a terrible person if I didn’t journal? No! All of this freaking out occurred because catastrophizing has always been a part of my meltdown process.

So, in order to get out of this crazy, selfish way of thinking, I had to initiate habit change very carefully to ensure my success.

Here’s what that looked like:

1. Start small

Too much change can overwhelm and complicate a person more than necessary, and I knew this was definitely the case for me. So I started with the thing I was struggling with the most physically – SLEEP. I asked myself “How can I get more sleep?” The answer: “Sleep more in the mornings.” This meant not going to the gym at 5:00 am, but I was OK with that, since I was exhausted anyway. Once I mastered the habit of sleeping in until 5:15 am instead of 4:15, I tackled the next goal.

2. Set up conditions for inevitable success – Foresight

I had to ask myself, “What might stop me from sleeping in more in the mornings?” My answer was: feelings of worry, shame, or fear.

FEELINGS. That was the core problem that was keeping me from taking care of my body and allowing it to rest.

• I felt like I needed to go to the gym to stay fit.
• I felt like I was being lazy if I didn’t get up at 4:15 am.
• I felt like 4-6 hours of sleep should be enough for me.

My feelings themselves may have been valid since I manifested them (the last thing I wanted to do was shame myself for having feelings), but my feelings were definitely not reliable. Hear my heart on this, everyone – there is a difference between validity and reliability. More so, I would have never recommended my crazy schedule and regimen to anyone else I cared about!

I set unfair standards for myself that I would never have put on anyone else.

This was a GAME CHANGER for me: Once I was able to nurture the part of me that needed to feel OK with not busting my butt on the treadmill at 5:00 am, I knew I had access to inevitable success. I nurtured that part of me by reaching out to health coaches, accountability partners, and trusted friends, who called me out when I was being crazy. They reminded me that I am more than just what I can do or what I look like.

They encouraged me to take time to nourish my mind and soul with Scriptures, journaling those feelings, prayer, meditation, and deep recovery work for my personal growth. I listened and took a step closer to healing.

3. Routine and Repeat

Once I was able to soothe my flustering feelings, I was able to calmly set my alarm clock to 5:15 am on a regular basis. It became a part of my natural routine after about 3 weeks. Then, once my morning routine was more manageable, I repeated steps 1 and 2 of the habit change process with my nighttime tasks. What was it that I was so freaked out about not getting done that I had to stay up until midnight? What was going to self-destruct if I didn’t diffuse it after 10:30 pm?

Nothing.

So again, I came back to easing the tense parts of me that felt the need to become the Nocturnal Super Woman, and I made sure I got myself into bed by 10:30 pm, to start.

The process isn’t perfect, of course. I often lose track of time and wander off to bed after 11:00 pm or hit the snooze button a few times in the morning. But I’ve reclaimed the things I love because I’m in a better space mentally and spiritually to enjoy them for everything they are. A great bonus is that I’m not falling asleep brushing my teeth anymore either.

I’ve also gotten to do a lot more relaxing yet challenging yoga sessions with a good friend. That has been a great way to switch things up from the high intensity solo workouts I was so accustomed to doing. I’ve surprised myself with how much I enjoy at-home yoga too! There are some great resources on YouTube, and although I can’t do a headstand at the moment, just know that it’s coming, my friends. It’s coming.

Embracing Habit Change:

• What is it in your life that is looking to grow and expand?
• What habit change would benefit your life in this season?
• What can you let go of that is no longer serving you in your healing?

I’m wrapping up today’s post with this gem:

To your health,

The post Sparking Habit Change – Living the Life You Want appeared first on Revealed Healing.

Hi there!

Thanks for visiting Revealed Healing! My name is Brandie Nicole and you’ve come to my very special corner of the web. Revealed Healing is where we will discuss everything related to living your best life. Not only do I want to enjoy my life, but I want to help others do the same. Whether you’re struggling with depression and anxiety, food addiction, feelings of low self-esteem, or a career that you dislike – you’re welcome here to read, share, and learn more about yourself along the way. We’ll focus on all-around wellness and discuss topics such as:

• Diet (the way we eat)
• Fitness (how we move our bodies)
• Community (how we relate to each other)
• Passion (what drives us and motivates us)

You already have what you need to succeed in this life. You are more powerful than you know. If you are not living a life that fulfills you and makes you excited to hop your butt out of bed and start your day, then it is time to stop hitting the snooze button on your soul and awaken. Your soul and body are completely connected. By awakening your soul, you will find that your body begins to heal in various ways. When you feel well, you will do great things. When you do great things, others will notice and will seek out their own awakening. Remember this is a journey – YOUR journey. And you are so worth it. So, let’s take this journey together.

Much love,

Brandie Nicole

The post Welcome to Revealed Healing! appeared first on Revealed Healing.